ARE you the hero or villain of your story?

Rebecca Solnit is famous for saying, “We are all the heroes of our own stories, and on of the arts of perspective is to see yourself small on the stage of another's story, to see the vast expanse of the world that is not about you, and to see your power, to make your life, to make others, or break them, to tell stories rather than be told by them.” (“Quote by Rebecca Solnit: “We are all the heroes of our own stories, and ...”)

Are you a hero in your story? Do you view your actions as positive only? Judgments as righteous? Or do you see yourself as the villain in your story? Actions as negative? Judgements as non-righteous?

If I am honest with my own journey in life, I tend to bend towards the hero complex more than villain complex. Whenever I speak with a person it is easier for me to view my intentions as positive and the person’s intentions as negative. I remember when I was younger and having negative interactions with my classmates. I would “snap” and the other side of me would come out. This was obviously the villain coming up to defend the hero (innocent boy) from the ultra-villains that was trying to do harm to me. When I reflect on this, it really does not make sense. Why would a villain fight against another villain? A house divided against itself cannot stand. This logic does not make any sense. And this is why having a divided mind and not knowing, rather not accepting both aspects of our personality is not healthy.

How does the hero and villain complex negatively impact your health? Well as a healthcare professional, it is common for my clients to deny the behaviors and habits that lead to the negative outcome. The 45 year old male that has a junk food addiction but blames cost of food for his poor eating choices. The 30-year-old female who does not like to exercise, yet focuses on not having enough time as the only reason for lack of adoption of a consistent exercise routine. The spouse that believes their partner is always wrong and the reason for failures of the marriage versus recognizing that they have traumas, both current and in the past that impacts their behaviors.

Are there any solutions to addressing the hero/villain complex. One of the more potent solutions would be to adopt a higher level of consciousness. In life, if you are always making the same decisions and receiving the same results then maybe your plan is faulty. By adopting a higher level on consciousness, a person can think on another plane of thought, maybe in the 3rd person and potential find a solution to their issue. For example, parents judging their children’s financial status solely based on income potential and not on the reality of the cost. Parents to the adult children would be considered the villain for their lack of understanding. Adult children would be considered the hero for defending their financial decisions as righteous and just. Spouse then looks at their spouse and questions spending habits. Spouse views themselves as a hero and only being concerned about the welfare of the family. While their spouse may feel like a villain for not living to the standard or meeting expectations. Well who in this story is truly a hero or villain? I would like to make the argument that no one is truly one or the other. In this case it may only be a matter of perspective. What I learned from this example that to exist of a high level of consciousness would allow me to realize that I could be playing both the hero and villain at the same time. I may not know which role I am playing and the other characters may not realize as well. So I should take on the role of a person who tries to first understand others before being understood to gain knowledge and perspective. Then make responses that would help to unite all parties if at all possible. If not, then think to me they mean well but maybe a little misdirected in their application versus they only have the intent of destruction.

At the end of the day, nobody is perfect...we are all guilty of suffering from a hero complex and a villain denial. We should learn to embrace both and manage this duality wisely. Please share your thoughts, criticisms, concerns and stories with the community. Thanks!

- picture of Rebecca Solnit (taken from internet)